Conversation | Ramu Das

One man: [Enters the washroom].

The other man: It’s been a long time since I saw you here. What happened, don’t you drink enough water? But, anyway, it’s good to see you.

One man: Good to see you, too. It’s winter time, and water is cold. Don’t feel like drinking much.

The other man: Do drink a lot of water no matter it is winter or summer. I am not saying that, like some nutritionists do, for your good health, but I am saying that because that way I will have the opportunity to see you here more often.

One man: I would rather contain the water in me as long as I can than visit the washroom, as often as you do, and waste my time.

The other man: Be careful of such thoughts. Have you not heard of people accumulating stones in their bellies? It is winter, and if you contain the water in you for too long, the water would freeze, and then you would find it difficult to carry yourself with all the weight, plus, of course, you would incur unnecessary cost to remove the stones.

One man: Well… [Makes a move out of the washroom].

The other man: See you again! The sooner the better.

Interviewer: I’ve heard a lot about you; you know so many people say this and that. But, it would be nice if you tell me something about yourself.

Mr Nobody: Oh yes, I will. I’m the pain who troubles people at every hour. I’m the lover who has never been loved. I’m the humorist who makes people laugh, or at least make them smile. I’m the joy of life. I’m the air people breathe… ha ha ha!

Interviewer: [That wasn’t funny at all]. Alright, that would be enough.

Mr Nobody: Don’t interrupt me, please. I have more to say. I’m the giver who has never received anything in return. I’m the fragrant perfume which people crave to sniff. I’m the jewel abandoned by people. I’m an old man, a phantom… ha ha ha!

Interviewer: [That wasn’t funny either. Why this damn soul doesn’t come to the point?]. Mr Nobody, I think…

Mr Nobody: I’m the satirist who doesn’t wish to be forgiven. I’m the writer whose writing people read yet they never acknowledge reading it. I’m the gentleman fooled by romance. I’m the poet who brings people delight. I’m the funny little mischief-maker whom people want to sue. I’m a tramp… and … alright, let me not say more. The list can go on, but most importantly, to tell you the truth, I’m Mr Nobody! Ha ha ha!

Interviewer: [Damn silly creature, laughs for no reason]. I heard that recently an Organization came to your college to offer job, but sadly you could not get the job, is there any reason?

Mr Nobody: Any reason, you ask? There are many reasons. The corporate recruiters… ha ha ha! They were some buffoons! Ha ha ha… We are pampered and polished for three years in the college, and finally when our skin starts showing some appeal, some glow, you know, that may arouse feelings; the recruiters come and comment on our skin. If you have the skin they like, you are in. If you don’t possess the right skin, you are out. But mostly, it depends on the extent to which you are ready to show our skin, and I mean the good skin.

Interviewer: Oh, so you mean to say you don’t have the right skin?

Mr Nobody: [Damn it!] Did I say I don’t have the right skin?

Interviewer: No. But I thought…

Mr Nobody: You thought… ha! You know, it’s not easy to get a job. For if you really wish to get one, you have to shout and scream your lungs out (when you actually are supposed to discuss things like some good folks do), and stare at some incomprehensible questions on the question paper during the aptitude test and ponder until someone says: “Time’s up!” And within a friction of a second, you tick on the answers, uttering something like: “Inki pinky ponky…” or if you are in India you would say, “Jay mata di”.

To be continued…

A Thinking Man