You have been hard on me, you have been soft on me, you were sometimes neutral, you discouraged me, you encouraged me, you were kind, you were cruel, you gave me things I asked for, you gave me that which I never wanted – you, in short, were a year of contradictions, but most of all, you have made me mature, you have sharpened my senses; you have made me a stronger, better… for all this and more I will ever be grateful to you.
P.S.: I am happy!
I have thought a great deal about a great many things; I want to do all I have planned to do. But thinking, planning, wanting are immaterial if I am not doing it. Oh, yes, this ‘doing’ is important I tell myself a thousand times and something inside me, to confirm the importance of ‘doing’, says ‘aye, aye’.
But again when I am thinking, planning and wanting to ‘do it’ but in reality not doing it, I am not doing it. All this while this is what I have been doing, that is ‘not doing’ what I have been meaning to do. The act of ‘doing’ is easier said than done. How easy it seemed to do when I said I would do a particular thing, but days, unstoppable as they are, went by and I didn’t even realize that I have not done it yet.
So, once again, I promised myself I must do what I must do, and once again the understanding voice inside me said ‘aye, aye’.
This ‘doing’ but ‘not doing’ took the form of a game. Now, at the end of the year, I realize that it is the end of the year. The game is over. And have I done it, you might ask. And I would answer, ‘not yet’. And the voice inside me, to confirm that I have not done it, says, ‘nay, nay.’
Copyright © 2015 RAMU DAS
Ramu Das 